Where is this going?

I'm not sure where exactly this post is going to go... I've been thinking a lot recently, about where I'm going, where I've been, and where I'm at right now.

I almost moved this summer. I almost changed jobs. I almost gave myself a big headache. But, in the end, logic won out and my emotions were put on the back burner. I accepted an interivew for a school back in Warsaw (or Meca, as my roommate likes to tease me). I was offered the opportunity to go back and teach a different grade than the one I taught the previous year. My heart beat a little faster while I was there, excited about coming back to a place I considered my second home for so many years. Knowing that I would be only a few minutes away from many of my friends and mentors, instead of the many miles that separate us currently. I would know many of the kids in the area, have opportunities to reconnect with families I had babysat for over the years. And hey, I could actually wear that T-shirt I won as a prize for the Grace Senior Superlative "Most Likely to Raise a Family in Warsaw."

In the days before the interview, and even after now, I felt a peace from God come over me. Not one that told me what to do by any means... my heart and mind were torn over making the decision to leave, that I would find myself wrestling with the decision and (as most feelers do) wound up with my eyes overflowing with tears. But in the midst of all of that, I felt as if I had been rescued, and after all that this past year has taken out of me, I felt myself being restored. I actually found myself thinking, I'm back.

As many of my other posts have mentioned, God and I, were not on the best of terms this year. In fact, I think there were a couple of months that we didn't talk to each other. Which is absolutely ridiculous, and all I can think of is how much reverence and awe the Old Testament stories project when they speak of Him, and here I am, a spoiled teenager throwing a fit because life got a little rough. But, there it is, the plain truth of how I've been acting this past year.

But now, I feel myself coming back around... the questions that hounded me for so many months, on where God was, what he was doing with my life, and why none of my dreams seemed to be coming true, are answered with a "Shhh... will you stop complaining and realize that this is actually a fun ride? Enjoy it please! I'm right next to you!" And so, on faith, I'm making myself shut-up. Stop complaining. And take a deep breath.

God and I are almost on speaking terms. I have a hard time still, as with most relationships that go through extended periods of silence, talking does not come a naturally as it used to. There are awkward pauses, and moments where I find myself incapable of saying anything authentic to Him. So even though I'm back, there's still some restoring to be done.

I ultimately had to turn down the job that I so wanted to say yes to... but surprisingly, I'm excited about staying. I'm actually looking forward to this upcoming year! I almost can't wait for it to start! Whether or not I end up staying in Middle-of-No-Where is yet to be seen, but for this year, it's the right move. I don't know where I will be taken next, but I'm excited that I might actually give myself the chance to enjoy the ride.