Questioning Questions.

There are certain scenarios that eat away at my mind. Eroding a groove into the recesses of my memory. One such distinct memory came as a result of a conversation had with a friend at Grace. We were in our freshman or sophomore year, sitting and enjoying the other's company. I, in my naive and ignorant bliss, and my friend sitting in confusion and doubt, went down a road of discussion having to do with questions.

Our professors in the Bible department were starting to have us consider that maybe us womb to tomb Christians needed a serious wake up, calling into question our motives for accepting Christ into our lives and asking us if we really believed what claimed.

My friend, who was not a born and bred Christian doctrine fed like many at our institution of higher learning, was commenting on her journey of questioning her faith. However, as she was talking to me, I noticed she was having a hard time being open. Until finally she said,

"Haven't you ever questioned what you believe is true?"

After looking at her a moment in somewhat disbelief, I responded piously,

"No."

After this conversation I realized my friend was a point in her journey that I was no where close to reaching. And from where I sat then, it seemed that she had a long way to catch up to where I was at. Little did I know that it was I who had the catching up to do.

Five years have passed since that conversation, and yet it still wears on my mind. Because now I realize how important of a role questions play in life. It is in questioning what we believe we see how strong of a conviction we hold. It is in questioning our actions that our character is revealed. It is in questioning our abilities that allows for growth to take place.

As I continue to read David Kinnman's book, UnChristian, I see that my former way of thinking, that questioning is a useless exercises that leads to "leaving the fold", is one of the primary reasons why people in today's society are so unattracted to Christ. In the fourth chapter, David explains how important it is for Christians to be willing to engage in questioning and thinking about faith. To not become lazy and merely accept things at face value and then expect others to do the same.

A questioning mind is an open mind. Open to new possibilities, open to change, open to others. A questioning mind is a discerning mind. Active and engaging in dialogue with others to stretch and grow itself. This is the kind of mind I am trying to cultivate, so that some day, I may reach the point my friend did those many years ago.

And in the End.

My life is not what I thought it would be. In so many ways, my perception of the future has been altered and rearranged. Earlier today I reflected with a friend of how I used to view myself in high school.

An introvert.
A homebody.
A nerd.

And then, all of that changed when I went away to school, had a chance to stretch my wings, and realized that I could fly so much higher than what I had thought before. I got used to certain things and viewed myself differently in college.

An extrovert
Independent.
A leader.

So now here I am, a professional in the business of teaching young minds. It's been a year and a half, and I'm still standing. My perception of who I am has grown in the process of being a grown up. Now I see myself as something more.

An adult.
A teacher.
A survivor(?).

My perceptions and views on myself will continue to change, this I know without a doubt. I anticipate a new chapter in my life as I make a move from Middlebury to Goshen. Who knows what will happen after that. I can only hope and pray that all of these changes in perception are the result of growth in becoming more and more aware of who it is God created me to be. In becoming more and more aware of the way God already sees me.

Because in the end, that's all that really matters.

But You Got to Have Friends...

I'm not sure if that title is a song or not... but it should be. Over the course of the past two weeks, I have been continually impressed with the quality of friends I possess. And on a day like today, I am ever so thankful for them.

I'm reading a very interesting book published by David Kinnaman of the Barna Group. This organization conducts research on society today, and how it views Christianity. The book I'm reading is UnChristian: What the New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity... and Why it Matters. In the book it describes in the first chapter how today's generation (18-30), whom they call Mosaics (I prefer Millennials), places such a high value on friendship and loyalty. As I read the statistics and various surveys that were done to conclude this data, I realized how true this is in mainstream media, and pop culture. I mean, look at some of the most popular shows on TV! Cheers? Friends? (Dare I mention)Sex and the City? Each of these shows has a great devotion to friendship, and that's a large part of what draws people to watch, to see how even though life happens all around the characters, often in messy ways, their friends are always there. Even though there are many things in these shows I disagree with, it's evident that the writer's understood Proverbs 17:17.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity

And so I find myself, sitting in the dim glow of the computer screen, reflecting on my most recent visit to Ohio, my mind revisits all of the memories that were most recently made.

A group of girls, getting ready to turn out the lights. Enjoying giggles, sharing their hearts, and sitting in the warmth of their love for each other.

Two friends, talking late into the night, sharing thoughts, memories, and wishes
for the future.

Four friends playing cards, passing laughter around the
table as they grow up together.

A dinner after shopping, coffee after dinner, uplifting
conversation after uplifting conversation.

Playing phone tag, but never giving up, and giving in to
communicating over facebook.

Two girls getting coffee, and wondering about what will
happen next.

Two girls nervously sitting in a kitchen, not sure of
what the other will say.

A phone call over the stresses of school, and spending
time to hear what the other has to say.

There are others to be sure, but these are the ones that stand out in my mind and make me realize how grateful I am and need to be. These are the friendships that make life what it is, that helps us grasp what God wants us all to have, and that keep you going in times of hurt and loneliness. These are the memories that I will hold onto.

Friends come, and friends go.
But a true friend sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24.