Sending Sour on it's Way.

When I was a kid (I think I'm old enough now to say that) my friends and I loved to go roller skating. Roller skating was fun, not just because you got to wear shoes with wheels on them and attempt to go round and round in circles without falling flat on your face, roller skating was fun because when you're at the roller skating rink, there was a concession stand selling only the best sweetness could offer. You could buy Fun Dips, Ring Pops, and Pop Rocks. And if you were exceptionally daring and brave, you would try a War-head.

War-heads were the kind of candy that started out plain awful. It was sour and would cause your lips to pucker together in a way that made your face look like it would collapse in on itself, and then your mom would tell you that if you kept it up your face would stay that way. They were the most bitter candy on the outside, and most kids spit them out after only a few seconds of sucking.

However, War-heads are not sour. At least not at their core. War-heads are actually very sweet, once you get past the sour layer, at the center lies a hard candy similar to the Ring Pop you've been thinking of since I mentioned it in the first paragraph.

I have a confession to make. I am a War-head. Or at least, for the last two years, I've struggled with having a hard, bitter outer core. I've hidden it well, or at least I like to think I have, keeping on that smiling face making you believe that I'm as jolly as a Jolly Rancher. Life is great! I'm doing fine! How often do we use these words to hide from others (not to mention ourselves) the truth of the matter, life feels like it's going to collapse in on itself.

Some days I feel as if my life has no direction, purpose, or value. I teach, but do I love it still? Why was I offered a job teaching sixth grade? Me? The Kindergarten Queen!? I live in Indiana for independence, and yet I am dependant on those in my "family". So many dreams of the future hang like limp balloons waiting to be inflated, and I'm ready to let go the string of hope tied to them. For the past two years, these questions and doubts have soured my spirit.

But wait Billy Mays, there's more! This War-head isn't dissolved yet. I don't know when exactly, but I have a couple of guesses how it happened(ask me sometime), the sourness around my core, it's starting to wear away. I've rediscovered the sweet center and remembered how good it is there. That goodness, it doesn't come from me. Nope, it's so much more. It's not perfect, at least not yet. I can still taste the bitterness at times, but I am hopeful that this next season of my life will be sweet.