Marriage, and what I think it's all about: Part I

With weddings on the brain as of late, I find myself contemplating what it's all about and question my own reasons for holding out hope that I too might find myself in the middle of matrimony.

I've heard it said that marriage is a commitment between two people to be the witnesses of each other's lives, a promise that each life will not go unnoticed for the other is there to notice it. I like the idea of being a living story watcher and teller, both, at the same time.

I've heard that marriage is covenant, a word that isn't used very often in the modern vernacular. When it is, the word is most often tossed around and thrown into the wedding ceremony itself. It's a term used by ancient middle-eastern cultures, and it's from a certain middle-eastern culture that many of our own ideas about marriage originate from.

I've heard that marriage is not having to say goodbye at the end of the day, but finding out that there's a part of you you didn't realize was missing.

And yet, I know marriage is full of things that disprove each of the above statements, that couples aren't always paying attention to witness the other's life, that covenants and promises can be broken, and that it's a whole lot easier to just think about yourself and forget the other part.

Through all of these mixed messages, here's what I have learned about what marriage all boils down to in the end. It's about a choice. Marriage (and all healthy relationships, if you ask me) is about choosing to love someone over yourself. Which is WAY easier said than done. All people are naturally and instinctual selfish. I the worst of them all.

And so in a sense, marriage, goes against what we are naturally programmed to do. It goes against who we instinctually are. So how in the world is a marriage actually work? How could it possibly work? Here's where that choice part comes in, the choice is to love.

The kind of love that makes marriage work, is not the self-serving kind, it's the self-giving kind. The kind that doesn't expect anything in return, the kind that can be taken advantage of, the kind that can be taken for granted. Love, is the choice. Love, is a choice.

I think that people forget this... thanks to the sexual revolution and the I-want-it-now generation, love has gotten lost and confused with being solely a feeling or emotion. But ask any pregnant woman and she'll tell you emotions change, and in a hurry! That's not what TRUE love is. Love, withstands the passing of feelings, and in the end, becomes a choice. Even though I may not feel like loving a person, I choose to do so. Marriage, is about choosing to love a certain person every day, no matter what, more than you love yourself.

That's marriage, and what I think it's all about. It's all about giving up the rights to thinking about yourself first, it's about choosing the other person, it's about: love.