The Feeler Teacher

If you have spent any amount of time with me, it does not take long to figure out that I am an emotionally based person. What I mean by that is that the way I think of different situations, different people, and myself is often based upon how I feel at any given moment. As a result, an average day in my life often resembles a roller coaster ride.

I go up the track with a great conversation with my roommate before I leave for school. I come crashing down when I realize that there's not enough time to fix the school copier that I jammed with the overhead I sent down from my computer and everyone who was using the copier goes to their rooms pissed. I go back up when I see my kids working quietly and singing along to the Christmas program music. Then after this rush of pride, it gets knocked down when the PE teacher tells me that they were completely awful. But then I feel better about myself when I read an encouraging/humorous e-mail from a colleague. However, it only takes one disdainful look in the lunch room that makes me think that I am a horrible teacher and why am in this profession? I suck at life.

And that's kinda how I left school yesterday. Misunderstood, disheartened, and depressed. I am thankful to be in a place now where I feel understood, at home, and with familiar faces. It is good that Thanksgiving is almost here. I need time with my family, as that is a different roller coaster track. But I don't think that it will solve my problems as a Feeler Teacher.

As I contemplated my feelings left over from the day before, I found myself festering over the moments that left me frustrated and in self-doubt. I realized that these moments bother me not necessarily because they were valid, but because I disappointed another.

Hi my name is Betsy, and I'm a People Pleaser.

This is the bane of my existence. I worry and fret over whether or not everyone is happy. I run from conflict, and try to appease all whom I encounter. When I cannot please everyone, I am left feeling like I am worth nothing, and question my capabilities. It's not right, I shouldn't do it, but I do.

The Feeler Teacher is one who will have a very rough existence if the People Pleaser in them cannot be controlled. I know that I am young, and still learning how to experience life with these vices, but I also know that with the knowledge, comes the responsibility and power to control. This is what I must focus my energies on, and learn how to not let my feelings control me, as a person or as a teacher.