Empty

I have to admit, I left this school year unsatisfied. My students changed throughout the course of the year, and not for the better. Day in and day out I prayed and strove to love on them and instill in them a sense of right and wrong. And yet consistently, many of those I worked hardest with were the ones who made me shake my head by day and shed tears by night.

Even as they drove away in their buses this afternoon, I was disappointed with them. Yes, there were a few who I think learned throughout the course of the year from me in more ways than one, but now that it's all over... I feel, empty.

It's a hollow feeling, emptiness is. One that years to be taken away by being filled. My kiddoes left me feeling empty. I gave to them as much as I could give, and in return... nothing. In years past, I have not encountered this void in satisfaction over the job I have done with students. And yet this year, this year was different.

Maybe it's just like this, maybe there's years where a class leaves you feeling drained. Maybe there's years where students change from who you thought they were, who you see they could become, and instead transform into who they choose to become. Maybe... maybe.

It doesn't change the deficit that I now carry with me, but hoping that maybe next year it will be different helps. Though I may feel empty now, I am very thankful to have hope in someday being full again. So, here's to summer, and the ability to find fullness outside of school! =)