Lonely: The First Year of Teaching.

So I'm approaching the end of my first year of teaching, though there's still a ways to go, I'm not going to lie, I'm counting down the days and I know it's going to whiz by! And so, as this year has brought about so many changes in my life, and my thoughts on where my life is going to go from here, I think there's one word to sum it all up. Lonely.

I had heard it before, a friend of mine said the same thing when I asked her how her first year of teaching had gone. I was surprised, for here was a girl who was just as extroverted as myself, living near her family, and highly involved in her church. And yet, she told me she was lonely.

Something else that I have struggled with, and every first year teacher I've talked to this year has said something along the same lines, is a feeling that I, as a teacher, am inadequate to do the job I have been hired to do. This, coupled with fear of failure, has made my heart cold, like an icicle driving the feeling loneliness deep into my heart.

I look around, and I really shouldn't complain. I'm at a school where teachers are more than helpful, they have their issues, but overall, I shouldn't complain. I have a roommate who puts up with all my quirkiness. I have friends who are still in the area, and new ones too. And yet, I can't seem to shake this feeling of loneliness. It was as if my self-assured, warming nature went into hibernation, just waiting for the days of sunshine to return.

I don't know when this will be, I'm hoping that it will come as the weather turns warmer, and I'm given a chance to reflect more thoroughly on my first year and able to see things in a clearer light. I know that recently, as my prayers have become more persistent on finding the people in my life who will help me grow, God has been providing. Whether it be through small notes, or e-mails, or even a smile from one of my kids, the loneliness is starting to melt away, ever so slowly.