Smelling the Fragrance

I sometimes wonder if I'm weird. Not the kind of weird that is said jokingly, or in a way to brush off the last embarrassing moment that just passed, but the kind that makes you wonder if there's something missing, that maybe there's something wrong?



Now I haven't convinced myself just yet that I am completely off the deep end, but there are moments.



For example,



This past week I finally got up enough courage to tie my tennis shoes, don an old baggy sweatshirt, and took myself for a (*gulp*) run. This is not something that I enjoy by any means. My stomach ties itself into knots and wishes that I could just be invisible for the 45 minutes I spend making the big bad wolf's huffing and puffing seem like a gentle breeze compared to gusts that come out of my lungs. Anyways, this is the first time that I've ventured outside to exercise in Middlebury. I still haven't figured out the lay of the land, and so I start trotting down sidewalks, not really knowing where I'm going. And then I hear it, footsteps, not just one set, but multiple, and then I hear giggling... it's the girls track team. At this point I've already exhausted myself from actually running, and I'm just panting along as I continue my walk. I pull over to one side, and let them pass. I smile to myself, thinking of my brother who also runs track, and how I wish I could run for more than block. Eventually my self-conscious mind quiets down, and this is where things start to get... different.



The path that I've taken is a bike trail, and it leads past picnic tables, pavilions, and even a giant mushroom that has to be at least 30 feet tall. I smile to myself, wondering who made such a mushroom, and who decided that it would be a good edition to the local park. The path continues past these things and becomes a bridge. I stop. I just listen. The birds are back. It's raining, and the creek is playing a symphony of sound as each drop causes the slightest disturbance in the water's path. I become part of the sound, it fills me, and I drink it in. As the rain beats harder and my face is dripping, I head towards the pavilion and lie on one of the benches.

There the rain makes a different sound, and I close my eyes, and pray.

I'm filled with wonder, and I know that I've come back to a place that I have not visited in a while. There's peace here, I'm here. The real me, the one that acts like a little child and accepts things without hesitance. I breathe in the aroma of something bigger than me, and delight in its fragrance.

Giggles. Quieted voices.

I bolt up, hearing something not so new. It was the track girls and their trainer. I smile a goofy smile, like a little girl who's just been caught putting on her mom's make-up. I roll my eyes to myself as they run by, and I make my way home wondering if I'm weird.